a complete 180

I am a little bit confused.  I think I just got hit with intense life whiplash.  I’m sitting in our Connecticut apartment going through ups and downs every hour and listening to bluegrass, unsure of what I’m supposed to be doing or feeling.   I feel like anything I’m doing right now is not going to be fulfilling enough… because I’m supposed to be experiencing a new country, adventuring from temple to temple, trying new foods, and making some sort of difference in the world.  But instead I am being completely passive, starting fights with Sam against my better judgment about doing things I know I can’t do because of my knee, and getting devoured by restlessness.

There are mountains everywhere.  There is so much world to be explored.  I feel so restricted not to be able to just go and rock climb, hike, row, and run through it all.  It doesn’t help that the weather is perfect for all of those activities.

On a vaguely happier, surer note…Sam and I went to Lyman Orchards (about 15 minutes away from our apartment) and we picked blueberries, 4 different types of peaches (they have ~25 different varieties of peaches, and summer squash.  Cooking is refreshing with and without Sam and it seems to be the only thing that seems to allow me to level out a little these days.

I feel pretty worthless…  I need some inspiration.  Please help.